Codependency is a pattern that dominates our Western culture, and in the last few months I discovered this pattern is at the root cause of some of my destructive patterns I'm healing, like addiction. I've noticed I've healed this in my self so much and have learned so much on this topic that I'm sharing my tools with you all today.
According to Wikipedia, and to which I would agree, the definition of codependency is:
"Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity."
Not what you thought right?! I always thought codependency just meant being needy or controlling, but it is so much more than that and such an elusive behavioral pattern that it has taken me my whole life to just realize it's been there. It has physiological affects on the body, mind and spirit, and realizing this is a pattern that I've picked up has provided so much awareness and healing in my life.
There's even a Codependents Anonymous, which goes to show how it's treated just like addiction, something that feels like it's in control of us physiologically.
Once I stopped drinking in 2016 (you can learn more about why here), I started on a healing path, that had been blocked by my preoccupation with drinking and partying. I was always into wellness but I sort of strayed from that path in high school and college. When my dad passed away and I stopped drinking, I realized my life could go one of the two ways. I chose wellness, and experienced my spiritual awakening which forced me to dug deeper to heal from all the reasons why I felt the need to drink in excess.
I started healing layer after layer in my being, first starting with the physical body by going vegan. I started learning alternative healing modalities when traditional care through my primary care doctor and therapist didn't get me the answers and healing I was looking for. That's when essential oils came into my life, and my meditation & spiritual practice became a bigger part of my life.
It took me 2 years to uncover a pattern that had been affecting me my whole life. In 2017, I started going on retreats and really going inward, I was on a quest for knowledge and healing. I saw a shamanic healer and received a soul retrieval, I received Reiki, I saw a hypnotherapist, I got my integrative wellness coaching certification, received sound healing, and I read so many books on alternative healing and spirituality.
I went to workshops, meet-ups, and events all about personal development, psychic development, and holistic healing. It wasn't until 2019, after two years of this excavation into my being that I really understood that codependency was the root of many of these behavioral patterns that I was releasing.
I actually bought a book on my Kindle randomly in 2018, called "You're Not Crazy, You're Codependent" on a whim, and when I started reading it, I didn't find it wasn't resonating with me. I wasn't even aware of the pattern that I was experiencing until recently, when it finally clicked. I saw the way that it was conditioned from being in my family, and in our society overall.
Codependency is a pattern that is passed on generationally. When I got that book, it was like my higher self knew ahead of time that this was going to be a book I would be needing later on.
It's also a pattern conditioned in society, media and the workplace. Think of the way romance is portrayed in movies and TV shows - it's usually textbook codependent, with messages like "I need you" "I want to fix you" and "I can't survive without you" or you "complete me." It makes sense by watching these, that we learn these patterns and this is how codependency plays out in our lives, then passed down in generations.
From the book Breaking Free of the Codependency Trap, I learned anything can be codependent, romantic relationships, society and even work environments, which I know from experience working at Google, is definitely the case in many of these companies. When the expectation is set for employees to bend over backwards for a company without boundaries, that's codependency.
My parents (and their parents) had codependent relationships, with my dad experiencing addiction to alcohol and my mom being the caretaker during this until it got to be too much, which is a form of codependency. This has a ripple effect on the family, and codependency is usually a symptom. There's Al Anon groups from Alcoholics Anonymous, which is for family members of people with addiction (I did go to this). If your parents used you as their emotional caretaker (all too common) this is also codependency.
This is a typical pattern of codependency that many experience, it can also show up in family, friendship, and work relationships. Martyrdom is another experience, which is like being everything to everyone all the while resenting it. I think this is huge issue, worldwide, but it flies under the radar.
Codependency has physiological response, which you'll learn in these books, and I now notice how much I feel in my body when triggered: heart racing, face flushing, sweating, tightness and feeling like rocks in the stomach. Emotionally, I experience it as anxiety and depression. Also fixation and rumination, and repeating thoughts on negative subjects despite trying to not focus on them. With my meditation practice I'm able to see these patterns in play as an observer (which is a little crazy to see happening in real-time) but so helpful to see it's not me it's the pattern.
So, how to heal from these patterns?
In one of my all time favorite reference guides, the book Emotions and Essential Oils, I looked up codependency just to see if there might be any essential oils that help to heal from this, and I was surprised to find there were a TON! It makes sense, because essential oils alter our state of consciousness.
Still, every day I'm blown away but the versatility of the healing properties of doTERRA essential oils. I mean, what other plant medicine can target such specific mind, body, spirit, and emotional issues this way?
The oils are powerful tools that I apply throughout the day (on the hour even when there are more triggers - triggers can actually be ways for the pattern to come up for healing).
Here are the tools I'm using to take control of my consciousness and not allow codependent patterns dictate my actions, feelings and thoughts. I'm amazed at the different (and good) place I'm in after the last few months of using these tools and I continue to turn to them. The daily occurrences that use to throw me for tailspin are there but I don't react and I turn to my tools.
The best way to heal from codependency is to educate yourself as much as possible on the subject, so you can recognize when it's showing up for you and use the methods of healing from experts to inform your decisions and your oil tools! Let me know if you've experienced this pattern and are learning to heal from it, I would love to hear from you xx
Jasmine, The Oil of Sexual Purity
Purify Cleansing Blend, The Oil of Cleansing
On Guard Protecting Blend, The Oil of Protection
Oregano, The Oil of Humility and Non-Attachment
Melaleuca, The Oil of Boundaries
Thyme, The Oil of Releasing and Forgiving
Forgive Renewing Blend, The Oil of Forgiving
TerraShield Outdoor Blend, The Oil of Shielding
Inner Child Meditations and Codependency Meditations on Insight Timer: Applying oils and a crystal to your forehead enhances this
How to order
If you’re already a doTERRA customer you can add any of these oils to your Loyalty Rewards Order. Not a wholesale member yet? Join my international community and become one here!
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